Re: Raising a family while being a musician


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Posted by Rick Denney on May 23, 2001 at 23:08:16:

In Reply to: Raising a family while being a musician posted by Tubanator on May 22, 2001 at 20:07:49:

Yes, it is possible, and many have proven that.

But you must acknowledge the secret to all successful marriages: Commitment to your spouse. If you have an attitude of doing what is best for her, and she has an attitude of doing what's best for you, then you both will end up doing what's best for yourselves.

Only your relationship with your God is more important than your relationship with your spouse, followed by your relationship with your kids. Your professional duties (even when they are also your life's work) must fall in behind those relationships, and the tuba, unless you are a professional tubist, comes after that. It took me decades to find the person who warranted that kind of commitment.

(There are exceptions to the above in cases of abuse, of course, but that ain't the subject at hand).

By the way, the vast majority of folks on this planet do not get paid to do their life's work. They do a job for money, and their artistic pursuits fall in even behind their professional responsibilities. This is true even for non-musicians.

In my opinion, perhaps not so humble in this case, one of the insidious destructive tendencies in family relationships is that we place our own priorities in front of our spouse's priorities, thinking that we must be happy in order to make them happy. The funny thing is that all we accomplish is misery. If our duty to ourselves seems most important to us, then we probably ought to stay single, as I did for so long. Think about these things before making that lifelong commitment.

Now, I'll wait peacefully by while everyone tells me how wrong I am.

Rick "who waited until his forties to get married so he could grow up first" Denney


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