Posted by Report It on October 06, 2003 at 22:29:33:
In Reply to: Re: band director/student posted by Chuck Jackson on October 06, 2003 at 21:58:20:
I had a very close friend in high school who had an "affair" with our band director, but that description is a misnomer. An affair is voluntary. When one person has undue influence over the other (for example, the type of influence certain domineering high school band directors wield over certain students) it is no longer an affair, it is sexual abuse even if the student "consents." Of course if the student is a minor, there can be no legal consent.
This post hits close to home for me because my friend quickly married someone very similar to our band director (another high school band director, 15 years older and domineering as well) just after her first year in college. About 10 years later, she was experiencing severe mental problems and for the first time it occurred to her that what had happened in high school may have caused some of those problems. After struggling with mental illness for years and attempting suicide several times, she finally succeeded at age 35, leaving behind three children.
Now, I'm NOT saying that unless you act, the girl in your situation will do anything so dire. But, there is simply no way this should be going on, even if both people are mature enough to handle it.
If after examining your own motivation here (and there is always motivation), and looking carefully at the bases for your suspiciion, you still believe that there is something going on, go directly to a counselor or some other adult you can trust and spill it. Chances are, if it is going on, it is not the first time and will not be the last. Even if your friend deals with it successfully, the next victim may not be so lucky.