Re: band director/student


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Posted by Rick Denney on October 08, 2003 at 12:32:59:

In Reply to: band director/student posted by concerned on October 06, 2003 at 21:27:40:

Some thoughts:

1. You should not assume that you are smarter than the persons you suspect, even if they are guilty. Thus, anything you do "anonymously" will almost assuredly come back to you.

2. You are not in an enforcement situation, and have no authority to do anything. Thus, taking action is like kicking an anthill and then standing among the ants. Despite your big foot, you don't have the authority to keep them from stinging you.

3. Don't tell another teacher. Don't assume that teachers will do the right thing with such information--they have their petty jealosies and political struggles behind the scenes and may use this information maliciously.

4. Don't confront the suspects. It never works. Ever. I know a colleague who warned another colleague about his suspect behavior, resulting in a major war that forced him to change jobs.

5. Analyze your own motives. Are you interested in the girl? Be honest. If you are, then you are triply not in position to take action, and my advice would be to direct your interest elsewhere.

6. Analyze your own motives. Do you dislike the band director for other reasons? Information like this makes you feel powerful, but it is dangerous power that can create misery and heartache far beyond the good that it can do.

7. 16-year-old girls fall in love with their band directors frequently enough, and band directors are human and enjoy being loved. That is light-years away from there being anything wrong taking place, particularly a physical relationship. With all the experience of middle age, I don't think I could tell the difference between a girl's innocent crush and a girl sleeping with an adult man, unless I caught them in the act. Your own observations have a lot less experience behind them, so don't assume you are good at detecting what is really happening.

8. Anything visible to you will be visible to others who are in a position to do something about it, such as the girl's parents, and band director's wife, or a high-school official. Don't assume you are the only one who can see.

We as responsible adults are torn between the feeling of responsibility to right wrongs and avoiding the destruction of lives through false accusations. Often, there is no right answer, and any action will result in pain and suffering. In your position as a non-adult, though, you should err on the side of avoiding false accusations. Your responsibility is to keep the pain and suffering away from yourself.

If, on the other hand, you see something in the form of hard evidence, like seeing them having sex with your own eyes, then you should notify the authorities, starting with your high-school principal (NOT the counselor, whose job this is NOT). Hearsay does not count, and you should not utter one word about this to anyone. Gossip is a killer.

Rick "who thinks all 16-year-old girls are giddy when they have a crush" Denney


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