Re: band director/student


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Posted by Kenneth Sloan on October 10, 2003 at 11:51:05:

In Reply to: band director/student posted by concerned on October 06, 2003 at 21:27:40:

This has been an interesting thread - but in many places it has diverged from the facts given in the original posting. Let's look again:

We have a high school senior (concerned) who is good friends with another student and the band director. "Concerned" has "no hard evidence" and most likely has nothing to report that would mean anything to anyone who is not close to the situation (not in a position to judge if the behavior is out of line, or even "suspiscious").

On that basis, it would be completely irresponsible to raise this issue with anyone who is any position of authority.

By the same token, it seems that "concerned" is not *so* close friends with either of the other two to risk raising the question (in any way) with either of them.

That leaves "concerned" with a problem.

I would look for a person in a position to offer counsel and advice to "concerned". I would stay away from the school "counselor" - counseling is their job, but this problem is too close to home and the school counselor has a duty to the school and community as well - the school counselor probably cannot allow even the hint of a student/teacher relationship to go unreported.

Mom and Dad will work - except that at this age communication with Mom and Dad is often uncertain.

A pastor (priest, rabbi, whatever) is the traditional source of counsel. If there is one available, start there. If not, look for an adult with whom you have a close relationship, but who is not connected in any way with the school.

I suspect that a frank discussion of "what have you actually seen/heard" might convince "concerned" that the relationship is on-the-edge (even "inappropriate") but not necessarily abusive. If not, perhaps a frank discussion will help identify precisely what "concerned" has seen/heard that warrants reporting it to the school.

"Creative" solutions are almost guaranteed to backfire. So, in the end, are attempts to remain anonymous. If you know something and know it's flat-out wrong, then you should be willing to stand up and say so. If you don't want your name associated with the accusation...don't make it. Any attempt to personally benefit from the knowledge is almost worse than the original offense.


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