Re: Negative thoughts - help!


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Posted by Joe Baker on December 03, 2001 at 20:28:13:

In Reply to: Negative thoughts - help! posted by John Tuba on December 01, 2001 at 19:59:52:

I'm sorry to hear that reality isn't living up to the dream. I doubt if this will help that much, but reality seldom does. But I'd rather have a dream that is never fully achieved than to have no dream at all.

I'm ten years older than you, and let me tell you I feel I have more in common with the 50-year-olds than the 30-year-olds. I've had to face the fact that some of my dreams simply will not come to pass. Fortunately I've had many dreams, of which I've realized - well, I'd say more than half.

Here's the good news: after the initial shock at first realizing it - lasting maybe a month or so - my response to forsaken dreams has amounted to a shrug. No, I never scuba-dived on the Great Barrier Reef. I've not gotten around to restoring some classic old car, or doing a few other things I was sure I'd eventually do. But the great thing about dreams is that they can be traded in (at full face value!) for shiny new ones. Now, my dreams are to build a cabin in Colorado, travel the length of Route 66 with my son -- dreams that are as potent to me now as any dream I had when I was 18.

Now, the bad news: in respectful disagreement with those who believe in reincarnation, I would assert that lives (of the earthly sort) come one to the customer. Some have placed all their eggs in one basket (all their energy, focus, resources into one dream) and had it pay off. Their extraordinary effort made it possible for them to achieve the excellence required to achieve their dream, whether it's hitting a certain number of home runs, finding a cure for cancer, or sitting in the principal chair in the CSO. They have contributed much to this world, and I'm grateful for their dedication and singleness of purpose; but for each person who has done this successfully, there are several who have worked just as hard, and for some reason fallen just the tiniest bit short. Although they have worked hard, and deserve to be proud of their accomplishments, with their ONLY dream unrealized it is understandable that they may feel they've wasted their lives. I hope no one thinks I'm flippant about saying that; it pains me to think about it. It sounds harsh, but as I say, lives come one to the customer.

My point? For the vast majority of people, it is better NOT to put everything they have into a single dream that offers very little hope of success. Most of us will be happier and more productive if we set numerous goals, some easily attainable and some that are a bit more of a stretch, and prepare ourselves for a mixed bag of success and failure. Goals like 'be a really great husband and father', 'learn to speak German', 'start my own business', 'ski down Al's run at Taos' or 'retire by the time I'm 50' are generally attainable if enough effort is put forth. Furthermore, they speak of completion, not competition. I don't have to ski Al's run in record time to satisfy my goal, I just have to get to the bottom in one piece. And, perhaps best of all, if you have 30 goals it's easy to trade one of them in without feeling so much like you've traded in a piece of yourself. After all, these were just plans, and plans change. We should treasure the experiences we HAVE had, not so much the ones we HOPE to have.

It occurred to me when I was in college that there was a test that should be applied when deciding if a person should pursue a career in music:

If you can imagine yourself being happy doing ANYTHING else, you should not pursue a career in music.

Well, best wishes in whatever you decide to do. Or, should I say 'viel Gluck'?

Joe Baker, who has never been to Spain, but has been to Oklahoma - many times!


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